After receiving some concerned comments and e-mails about my recent visual journal pages, I thought I’d write about my take on visual journaling. I think that when personal thoughts and feelings are put down on paper, they take on a new life, especially when they are put out there for the world to see. I think this is even truer when they are expressed in a visual manner. The idea that the piece is just a tiny slice of life, done in the moment, is gone and it is perceived as being “the way it is.” I also think that since we live in a society where unhappy emotions are viewed as a sign of weakness, we are taught to keep all of those unhappy thoughts and feelings stuffed down deep inside, never to see the light of day. Don’t let people know you feel that way because then they will think there is something wrong with you. So, when someone comes across my visual journal pages, they think if “if she is doing this, and putting it out for people to see, this must just be the tip of the ice berg for what is really inside.” I never really thought about it, or what people’s reactions would be, until I showed a friend a small art magazine that had published some of my journal pages. The pages were about a boyfriend breaking up with me. I saw the look of horror on her face, and then she said, “I can’t believe you are letting people see this.” My response was, “Why not?” I honestly didn’t see what was wrong with it, but she seemed horrified. My emotion-filled journal pages effect people in various ways: it scares them because you aren’t supposed to talk about how you feel, especially about such personal things; they think I have serious emotional problems; or they are glad to see that they aren’t alone for feeling the way they do.
Sure, I struggle with depression. But for me, expressing myself artistically in my visual journal is very cathartic. It’s how I deal with things and work out my issues. I have never been one to keep things bottled up, and really, it’s not healthy. With me, I feel I’m pretty much what you see is what you get. When I create a visual journal spread, it’s about what I was feeling or experiencing right at that time when I created it. It doesn’t mean that’s how I feel all the time. It’s like a snapshot of me right at that moment. And if I’m in a funk, I’m usually feeling much better by the time I’m done because the whole process is very healing—working with my hands, switching off the brain, and just letting things happen. I don’t worry about creating something that other people would like to see or making something pretty, or not making something scary. I don’t censor myself. I just get lost in the moment of slapping paint on the paper and gluing shit down. I don’t worry about whether or not the images I use have a deep meaning. I just use whatever I feel like. Sometimes it’s just whatever is at my table, within reach. They might seem disjointed, but so what—it’s the process that counts. Sometimes later when I go back and look at my journal pages, things make more sense. The disjointedness is gone and I see connections between the words and images that I wasn’t aware of while I was creating it. Score!
When I first started having my journal pages published, and posting them on the Internet, I did wonder if I was making a mistake based on my friend’s reaction. Would people think I was a freak and equate me with the elephant man? Would I run around with my arms flailing about, crying out “I am not an animal”? Would people work together to have me committed to an institution? Nah. When my first journal pages were published, I got so many e-mails and comments from people thanking me for being so brave and open about what I was going through. They were going through something similar and it made them feel like they weren’t alone and that nothing was wrong with them for feeling that way. Of course, there is always the other side. I did have someone leave comments on quite a few of my journal pages. The person said that I should stop putting my poison out into the world, that life was hard enough without me putting my negativity out there affecting everyone. I just laughed. If they bothered her so much, why didn’t she just stop looking? There was something in them that she was attracted to, maybe something buried deep down in herself that she just wasn’t ready to let out yet. About a year or so later, she left some comments saying how much she loved my journal pages.
What this all comes down to is this: take my journal pages at face value. They are what they are. Nothing to be afraid of here. It’s my vehicle for moving forward. And what could be better than using art as a way to get there? Especially if glitter glue is involved.
If you’d like to see more of my journal pages, they can be viewed here.
I’m interested in hearing about your thoughts on visual journaling. I think this could be a very interesting conversation.
I think your journaling is beautiful and expressive. I wish I could get all I feel inside of me out in that way…it usually just sits bottled up inside and I hate that. Perhaps I’ll give visual journaling a try.
I think you’re pages are beautiful and that’s why I signed up to take 3 classes with you at Art & Soul Hampton. One of the being a journaling class because I have no clue where to start with it. I’m glad you put that out there. I just got a little taste of what to expect in May!
Nikki, you should definitely give journaling a try, whether it’s just writing or visual journaling. I highly recommend “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron and “The Creative Journal” by Lucia Capacchione. I really think it’s much better to get all of it out, no matter how ugly or scary it might be, rather than have it stay inside. It’s easier to let things go.
Adrienne, I’m so glad you are taking 3 of my classes at Art & Soul in Virginia! You’ll definitely be on your way to creating and journaling up a storm. I look forward to meeting you! That conference will be here before we know it!
Traci,
I often hear the same thing about my journal pages. People are shocked sometimes when they see them but they’re real, they’re me and it’s what you see is what you get. We all have our good days and our bad days. We’re human. Humans need to express themselves and thankfully, journaling allows us to do that
I think art can enable us to get in touch with feelings we didn’t even know we had. That’s definitely scary. Especially like you said because we live in a world where depression and hurt are things that people can’t really talk freely about. I think it’s really great that you express these feelings in your art and that you’re brave enough to share it.
Big respect and kudos from me…I’ve had people say you shouldn’t talk abou ‘that stuff’ (huh). That’s part of the problem
Actually, I do understand what you’re saying. And I was one of the ones that expressed some emotion to your pages yesterday.
I understand because I feel the same way about my journaling. I write something down that I was feeling in that moment, be it anger, jealousy, sadness or whatever. And sometimes I look back on these pages and I’m surprised by their strong emotion. Because it was an emotion I was feeling then and not necessarily feeling it anymore.
I know each of your pages represents a moment, a day and a different emotion or feeling so I do know that the sadness isn’t all you are.
I think it’s wonderful that you can share all of yourself like that and I take such inspiration from it. You would be an awesome person to hang out with. Thanks, Traci!
For me art has been one of many different methods of exploring my feelings and finding a way to express them. I am so grateful to have had many different forms of expression and modalities such as art, dance, music, poetry, walking, and talking to my dog or cat to name a few. I am rarely as explicit as you are but that is my way. When I see a piece I have created I know what feeling I was having in that moment. And in that way we are the same… we have that moment to reflect on. I feel passionate anger though whenever it seems like anyone is trying to sensor artistic expression, especially if it is harming no one. I know I would be a pretty unbalanced person without art and then I might be a harm to myself or others. To me those people who caringly express concern are practicing a form of sensorship even if it they feel they are trying to be helpful. It is a way of saying you should be more quiet for your own good when for you it is better for you to be more direct.
I have always been inspired by your journals Traci…I appreciate the honesty and rawness. I look forward to your class in Hampton!
Hi there! I have just spent almost an hour looking at all your visual journal pages on Flickr. I love your work – you inspire me! I have a question for you: (I posted a similar question on Embodiment over on Live Journal) what kind of pens do you use to write text over paint or gesso primed pages? I haven’t been successful in finding anything that will write clearly over paint – it either smears or doesn’t write at all (I was surprised that Sharpies didn’t work!). Can you suggest something that would work?
Quote: “Sometimes later when I go back and look at my journal pages, things make more sense. The disjointedness is gone and I see connections between the words and images that I wasn’t aware of while I was creating it.”
That’s my experience of journaling, there’s something about the process of putting it on paper that clarifies my feelings and thoughts. It reveals fabulous insight to me that wasn’t clear when I started – it’s always a journey of discovery.
I think you’re right about the people who are afraid of expressing feeling – to them this is horrifying, but truly, if they played a little with a journal those feelings would be so much less frightening and some of the motivation behind them would become clearer.
I’m a fan of journaling in general, and of yours in particular – keep carrying the torch!
Your words about journaling are right on Traci! I have followed your work for ages-As a male I find that few other males do this kind of journaling and I am trying to change that- in my intro to 2D art at the small university where I teach- I require a visual journal and that takes the place of a final- most end up really love it. Thanks for your time in sharing!
Traci, I’ve admired your journaling for its rawness and forthright honesty. So much of what is shared on the web as ‘journaling’ is cool and has no emotive content. Your pages, while beautiful and fascinating to look at, appeal even more to me because they are passionate, you have not felt the need to hold back, and you are willing to share that in public. I am inspired by the alchemy you do, transforming your experiences into art, as well as your willingness to open the process up to observers. Thank you for the example.
I got so many comments and e-mails about my post, that I wasn’t able to answer everyone. So, I’m just going to give a big THANKS here to everyone who took the time to reply. It was so great reading everyone’s thoughts on this, and it seems we are all on the same page! (Yes, pun intended!)
If you have been holding back with your journaling, not completely expressing yourself or censoring yourself, I hope this helped give you permission to let it all out!
Love Your Pages and Use Of Color
Thanks to you I dug out my Jam cam and love it now!!!!
Love Tub Legs too.
You are awesome keep doing what you have been doing and trust your instincts.
Gretchen
Hey Traci,
I recently bought your book because I struggle a lot with just letting go. It’s very difficult for me to express my emotions and when I make art I want everything to be perfect.
You really inspired me and thanks to you I finally managed to let go and I really enjoy working in my journal
Thank you so much for that
xxx
Mri