I’ve been going through a hard time lately–dealing with my neck issues and other personal stuff. So, my journal pages have reflected that. In an online art group, where I posted my most recent journal pages, I got a comment that stopped me for a moment. The person said in my journal I focus on negativity a lot, and perhaps once in awhile, I should focus on something good in my life.
My knee-jerk reaction was defensiveness, and then feeling like I should quit posting my journal pages–I didn’t want people to think I was a person who focused on the negative. I don’t think that’s who I am. I really do work hard on being a positive person. But the truth is, shit happens. And some times it happens a lot all at once.
While I was thinking about all of this, and whether or not I should delete my posts with the most recent journal page, I remembered this post I made in February about my journaling. I reread it, and the comments that people left about what I had to say, and it made me feel better.
With my journaling, I’m all about not censoring myself and getting out whatever emotion, good or bad, that I need to get out. It’s about being in the moment and not second guessing myself or what other people might think. If I worry about whether or not to post a journal page because of what people might think, then I’m censoring myself afterwards. I don’t want to do that. Working in my journal is cathartic for me, whether I’m journaling about something good or bad. And from the e-mails and comments I get from people, they appreciate seeing my not-so-happy pages just as much as my positive pages. One thing I have found about posting the “negative” pages is it helps other people who are feeling the same way feel like they aren’t alone. So, I’m going to keep on keeping on, posting my pages whether they are viewed as positive or negative.
Plus, I have had some positive things happen from some of my not-so-happy journal pages. That’s how I found out about the McKenzie physical therapy method that I’m trying right now for my neck problems. If I hadn’t posted my journal pages about my neck pain and my x-rays, a complete stranger who had been following my artwork wouldn’t have contacted me about this method. And, this method of physical therapy just might change my life, and keep me from having to have surgery. I don’t know yet if it will help me, but I have hope that it will. How’s that for being positive?
I have always loved your journals and the honesty in them. I’d much rather read them than someone’s whose pages seem to reflect some perfect life. It’s just not reality. I admire this honesty; it’s something I’m working towards.
I applaud your bravery in continuing to publish journal pages straight from your heart – whatever your heart has to say at the time. Too many people are too good at denial and too ashamed to admit pain. But if we have the courage to accept the hard times, we can accept them and then use them as an opportunity for growth. Keep on keepin' on, Traci. You're amazing.
much love,
Laurel
(btw, my uber self portrait from your class at Art & Soul Portland last year makes me happy EVERY DAY.)
http://www.laurelsteven.blogspot.com
I applaud your honesty in your journals – negative, positive, good, bad – it’s your life, and your journal. If you can’t express yourself there where can you?
Sounds like she was being pretty negative about your postings.
(I, on the other hand, am positive we missed you in Allegan. Hope things turn around by this time next year. Heck, next week.)
Rams, Sadly, it doesn’t look like I’ll be to go back to the Michigan Fiber Festival. I had contacted the festival to let them know I couldn’t attend due to health reasons, and wanted to discuss how I could keep my booth for next year. I’ve been vending at the festival for about 15 years, and even taught many of those years. Unfortunately, they didn’t respond to my e-mails, which didn’t give me a chance to figure anything out. Instead they sold my booths to someone else without contacting me. I only found this out after I called since I hadn’t gotten a response from them. They told me if I wanted to come back again, I could reapply and get on the waiting list . . .
Traci–I too appreciate your honesty and bravery in posting the truth! I sometimes feel I shouldn’t complain in my blog, because people will get sick of it, etc. But it is only in sharing our feelings with others that we will ever be able to get help, make friends, change situations, and so on.
I wanted to tell you I have gotten a “craptastic” digital camera because I was inspired by you! I am having a lot of fun taking pictures around my hometown!
Also, I am sad you are having relationship troubles, but rest assured, I have been married 20+ years and even if someone really loves you, and vice versa, it can be TOUGH. Hang in there!
Oh NO! Please write what you feel! Whatever that might be, we all go through phases of postive times, and bad times, that is life, and you can actually be helping someone else as well, you write what you feel, it is your space, we are lucky you share it with us!
I love your pages, your art, your self expression and your honesty. I wouldn’t want you to censor one thing. I’m the same way. I write what I’m feeling, they’re my feelings in my journal and if people can’t handle that they don’t need to read it or look at my page. Some of us don’t live in that perfect world like others. I have Fibromyalgia and I hurt in my neck and shoulders among other places every single day. I’ve lost friends over this because sometimes I just don’t feel like going shopping all day long or doing all the things they want to do at a moments notice. While sad I’ve learned to deal with it because my true friends are still standing by me.
It would feel foreign to me to see a page of yours without your raw emotions on it. I think I’d know something were missing from it.
Keep creating just as you want to, we’ll keep loving it anyway you put it out there. You’re a great artist and you make beautiful art. Don’t let anyone else tell you any different. Be yourself.
I’ve always loved your pages and though some might call them “raw” I say that most other pages with silly happy quotes are sometimes don’t have any edge at all… heheh.
This post made me think about what a huge difference it is between focusing on negative your entire days and doing a collage page about it to “get it out” or work through it. That’s how I use my journals – all the time when I need it. I so hope you’ll be better soon!
Take care!
well said! our journals reflect real life-the good and the bad.
I always enjoy your pages, whatever the tone. There is certainly a time and a place for positivity, but for me after a while all the feelsy-goodsy positive quotes out there start to feel trite. Your negativity is a breath of fresh air to me! Of course I hope things turn around for you soon…but sometimes you gotta get the shit OUT of you so it doesn’t fester…and I get that. So keep on!
Please don’t stop! My written journal has always been a place to put the “tough stuff” from life. I am so amazed by your ability to share your real thoughts with everyone without applying a censor.
life is full of angst and releasing it is very healthy. i love your journal pages, i relate to many of them. life is messy and i feel through journaling the bad stuff you can set it free so its not a part of you anymore.
Negativity is rampant. Being able to take that energy and make something beautiful is a gift and you’ve got it. It’s inspiring to see art that is real and not always pretty but true.
Thank you for sharing!
Marissa