I’m back from teaching in California. And, today I got hit with a cold. I decided it would be a good time to take it easy and watch Louise Hay’s dvd “You can Heal Your Life.” During it, I was struck with an overwhelming feeling that I need to forgive the person who deeply harmed me a few years ago. I never had any desire to before, and never felt like I needed to. But now I feel like it’s necessary for me. I feel like even though I’ve been suffering from migraines and neck pain long before I was wronged by that person, that not being able to forgive him is keeping me stuck and is tied to my health. I have no idea how to even begin going about forgiving him. It would be easier if he felt remorse for what he did. But I know he doesn’t.
Even though there is no comparison, I wonder how the Amish community in Pennsylvania was able to forgive the man who gunned down their children in school back in October of 2006. They went so far in their forgiveness as to comfort the gunman’s family for their loss, to attend his funeral, and to set up a fund for his family. While I think it’s great that they were able to do that, I just can’t even fathom it.
I’ve been able to forgive many people throughout my life for all different kinds of things, mainly through time. Time heals all wounds, in most cases. But with this particular person, even though the “wound” is gradually healing, I really don’t know how to start the process of forgiveness. Doing the journal page I guess was the first step. I’m not sure where to go from there.
Clarrissa Pinkola Estes has interesting things to say about forgivenss in Women Who Run With the Wolves, as does Lani Gerity in a course I did with her (lets just say forgiveness wasn’t what I thought it was). http://lanipuppetmaker.blogspot.com/
Lani’s course is the Happiness Challenge – the forgivenss part was one exercise but it helped me move forward from something very big, which I didn’t think I could forgive.
Good luck on your journey. Louise Hay and her affirmations have helped me a lot as I have decided to go med free with my rheumatoid arthritis. What we think and how we think really does change us.
Cathy
I cried when I read this. There is a lot of recognition in this. And the man who hurt me two years ago is one who never accepts responsibility for the big wrongs he visits upon people. And I wondered if that was how it was with your person. Borderline personality? A label doesn’t help, really.
I don’t know that I’ve forgiven fully, but I think that what helps me is keeping in my center. That may sound airy-fairy, but to remember who I am and my own integrity can help me to let go just a little bit more. Because what he did to me doesn’t define me, and I’m not going to allow it to. I was alive many years before him, and have continued after him. I let go of control of him (a continuing process) and it helps me. I will never understand what happened. But my understanding it wouldn’t change what he did. He will never do it to me again.
Best to you.