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I’m going to make this brief. The past week has been rough for everyone–not only with the tragedy at the Boston Marathon, but also the explosion in Waco, Texas. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with my health issues and I’ve lost my grandfather and two friends in about a month and a half. My friend’s death last week hit me really hard. Everything has felt so heavy at times. And my lack of energy and not feeling that great sometimes makes it worse.

A few days ago, I was talking with my friend Juliana Coles, and we both decided that we really needed to lighten things up, and to have more joy in our lives. And, we couldn’t just wait for it to find us. We needed to purposefully seek it out.

So this morning, when I got up and saw that the sun was finally shining, I decided to go seek out joy. Taking pictures makes me happy, so I combined walking my dog with looking for things to photograph. I also took the self-portrait double exposure above. I love that the double exposure made me covered in flowers!

I was just reminded about my first Call to action that was also about joy. In it, there’s a great quote from Jerry & Esther Hicks:

You cannot struggle to joy. Struggle and joy are not on the same channel. You joy your way to joy. You laugh your way to success. It is through your joy that good things come.

Chances are, you need more joy too. So get out there and look for it! Seeking it out isn’t necessarily an artist date, but it can be. Make a list of things you enjoy, whether it’s by yourself or with other people. Then make plans to do those things. Look at your community calendar, and go do some of the things that seem interesting. I’ve had a bad habit of looking to see what was going on in my community, but not going to the events, including movies that I wanted to see. But I’m going to make an effort now to actually attend things that sound interesting. I’m also going to go work at my arts center. Sure, I’ve got my own studio, but I’m by myself all the time since I work at home. So I’m going to take advantage of having access to the printmaking studio there, and go use the printing presses and be around other artists working.

I’d love to hear your ideas for bring more joy into your life. And, I’d love to hear about your experiences from seeking it out.

Here are my previous Calls to Action.

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Hello! Things have been overwhelming for me since I last posted. In the midst of me trying to deal with my health situation, my grandfather died. His funeral was supposed to be the day before my appointment with a neurosurgeon. But we had another blizzard, which caused the funeral to be postponed to the next day. So I saw the neurosurgeon in the morning and had my grandfather’s funeral several hours later. What an exhausting day.

The neurosurgeon said he didn’t recommend surgery because he didn’t know if it would help. And if the cyst were drained, it would leave a large gap in my head which could also cause problems.

Yesterday I had an appointment with a neuro-ophthamologist to make sure my eye is okay. He feels my arachnoid cyst isn’t damaging my left eye, even though it’s touching the optic nerve. But, he felt the visual disturbances I had in January, and some other things, don’t make sense. So he wants me to have some heart tests done to be sure nothing is wrong with the blood supply to my brain.

That aside, he seems to have the belief, as do many doctors, that arachnoid cysts don’t cause any problems. Yet, most of the people who have this type of cyst all have the same symptoms, with the cyst being the only thing in common. So, although it would be nice to take comfort in the thought that it’s not a problem, it isn’t because I don’t know that it’s true. This cyst isn’t very well understood. The medical books say this cyst is “an incidental finding.” So it’s common for doctors to say it’s not a problem and dismiss it, even though the person with the cyst has “unexplained problems.” Most people, like me, are told it’s all from migraines.

It leaves me in limbo, not knowing if I should continue pursuing doctors, or just be grateful my symptoms aren’t worse and that I’m not having seizures. But if the cyst grows, it could do irreparable damage to my eye.

One big problem with pursuing this is the cost, but also the time. I’m single and self-employed–so it’s just me. The doctors and tests are very expensive. And so are the medications. I’ve been put on a daily migraine preventative, which is helping a lot. I no longer wake up every day in pain and with a headache! But between that and another medication I’ve been put on, I’m spending almost $200 a month on medications.  The sad truth is, I might have to decide not to take the medications because I can’t afford them.

Cynthia Evans, a sweet friend that I’ve known since junior high school, set up an online fundraiser to help offset the costs from all of this. Thank you to everyone who has already donated! All amounts are greatly appreciated. I’ve had several people ask if they can donate by sending a check instead of doing it electronically. The answer is YES! You can mail it to Traci Bunkers, P.O.Box 442099, Lawrence, KS 66044. Or, purchasing something from me in my shop is another way to help. Thank you!

The good news is, I’m feeling better and focused on taking better care of myself. My energy level is coming back and I’m starting to work on art again. I somehow need to figure out the balance of working less but still being able to support myself because stress is the worst thing for my cyst. So, aside from dealing with my daily symptoms and trying not to worry about my growing medical bills, I’m doing well. And I’m hopeful that Spring will actually come soon!

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Last week I had an appointment with a neurologist. He did some testing on me, looked at the CT, and said my large arachnoid cyst on my brain wasn’t causing any problems. That most of my symptoms were from migraines and he didn’t know what was causing the other symptoms. So he put me on a migraine preventative medication and also scheduled an MRI to get more info.

I didn’t believe the cyst wasn’t causing problems, but was willing to try the medication. I unfortunately had a bad reaction to the medication–it was not only supposed to prevent migraines, but to also lower blood pressure. It did the opposite for me. Several hours after I took it, I had such a bad headache, I had to go to bed. When I got up, it wasn’t better. It was so bad, I wondered if I should go to the emergency room–I was worried that something really bad was happening and I might die in my sleep.

Luckily my regular doctor was open in the evening. So after waiting for over an hour in the waiting room, and another in an exam room, I was able to see my doctor.

(I took the above photo in the exam room, trying to take my mind off of how terrible I felt. I took it in the reflection of the goose-necked exam lamp.)

My blood pressure was extremely high–185/115. He put me on a different medication, and told me to take it as soon as I got home and to take my pain medication. He also said I should probably get a second opinion on my cyst (which I had already decided I wanted to do).

I got a copy of the MRI on disk, and used one of the images in my journal page above. The MRI showed that not only was the arachnoid cyst larger than the CT showed, it also showed it was pushing on my left eye. The neurologist said I should get my eyes checked to make sure everything was okay with my left eye. Luckily I was able to get in to see my eye doctor right away.

He thought everything was okay, but wanted to do another test later to check my peripheral vision. The next day, my left eye was still dilated, but my right one wasn’t. So I went back. He had said any visual disturbances (like I had before my art opening) or differences in pupils, would be caused from the cyst pressing on my eye. And if that happened, he wanted to check my eyes again. He was out, but his wife (also an eye doctor), checked me and thought I was okay. But she said they’d refer me to a neuro-ophthalmologist in Kansas City to be on the safe side.

I had my peripheral vision checked this past Tuesday and am still waiting for the results on that, and to find out about being referred to the neuro-ophthalmologist. It sounded like it could take several months before I could get an appointment. Now I know that the pressure I’ve been feeling off and on for oh-so-long on my left eye and left side of my face isn’t from sinuses like I thought. It’s from the cyst. And I think the daily migraine medication might be helping some with overall headachiness, because that is better I would say–I’m not waking up with a headache every morning like I used to. But, now I’m more aware of the pressure on my eye, that maybe was masked by the other pain. And the last few days it has been hurting (and it’s hurting right now). I’ve been very low energy, and am having to sleep a lot. That’s been making it pretty impossible for me to get very much work done, which then of course adds more stress to my situation.

Tomorrow I’m going to call the eye doctor to find out what the results are. I think tomorrow is his day off though. If that’s the case, I’ll put a call in to my regular doctor to have him refer me to the neuro-opthalmologist because I don’t want to have to wait any longer to get that process started. And, I’ll ask if he can refer me to another neurologist for a second opinion. Part of the problem I face is that this type of cyst isn’t very common, so not many neurologists or doctors have experience with it, or understand it. And, the only treatment is brain surgery–to have a hole drilled into my skull, and then pierce the cyst to drain it. From what I’ve read, that procedure often has to be repeated because the fluid recollects. I’m also going to find a naturopath so I can find out what I can do to keep my body, brain, and eye as healthy as possible.

P.S. I really appreciate all of the e-mails and messages I have gotten about my health. Please understand that even though I try and want to answer each one, I just can’t. Right now, I’m kind of having trouble just taking care of myself, and that really needs to be my focus. So please don’t take it personally if I’m not able to reply. Your comment or e-mail is still greatly appreciated. Thanks for your understanding.